We are all just constantly screaming out to the world for love.

Love me

Accept me

Hear me

That’s all we are ever truly saying.

Just sometimes it comes out in different ways.

Leave me alone

I don’t care

I’m done

When really we mean the opposite

We are all just alone begging to not be anymore.

Begging for someone to comfort us and tell us it’ll be okay.

Next time someone speaks to you, listen to what they are truly saying.

And I swear you will hear a whole other side of the world that you never even knew about.

You will connect deeper than you ever have.

Just listen.

Wow it’s been awhile.

I guess I’ve been spreading myself a little too thin. I’ve been trying to have it all, while also still enjoying the simple life with Stefan.

I love being with him. I love spending time with him. But sometimes it feels like my precious time is being wasted. Not with him, just in general.

I know why we do it. It feels good. It’s distracting to binge watch TV. To scroll on our phones.

It’s easy. It’s carefree.

Unfortunately for me and everyone else… nothing good ever came easy.

Nothing worth having was as simple as going after it.

There are always going to be trials. Stumbles. Hurdles.

That’s where I’m at. Stumbling. But I will get back up. I have to. I have to make a difference.

Things have been a little difficult lately. Sometimes it feels like I’m getting nowhere.

But I need to remember that a lot of other people have probably felt like this too, especially right before things started working out for them.

I can’t expect to succeed immediately.

Success takes time. And hard work. Two things that you can’t fake.

10,000 hours to become an expert.

So I’m barely at the beginning. It would be a shame to give up before I’ve even started.

I’ve started daily emails which has been super cleansing for me. I needed it so bad. I needed clarity and I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere.

But I promised I wouldn’t forget about you this time so here I am.

Sorry it’s been so long.

I feel like I never have time for anything anymore.

But that ends today.

RW

Over the last few years I levelled up. I got promoted, again and again. I made more money. I saved. I pushed boundaries. I lost more weight. I learned more. I learned so much more. I found Stefan. I formed a strong relationship. I travelled. I found myself. I got a home. And then I got another home. I upskilled. I met new people. I got out more.

I did things that made me proud.

But since then… I have kind of stalled. I’ve plateaued.

It’s time to level up again. It’s time to get the fuck out of my comfort zone… not slightly. Completely.

I’m ready. I’m done with excuses.

I grew up in a small town of people who didn’t leave. They settled quickly. Having a family with their high school sweetheart, celebrating with the same groups, working a job close to home.

None of this seemed normal to me. I couldn’t imagine anything worse then being stuck in the same loop. Life is not made to be repeated.

My parents are from this small town. They work full time jobs. I grew up seeing them working hard, every single day. This is my normal. It is normal for dad to be gone all day, and mum to work late at night. It isn’t till I’m older that I can see that their jobs are hard. Harder than other jobs. Dad has been on his feet all day and mum has been running around the kitchen.

Would my life had turned out any different if I hadn’t of grown up in a small town, where everyone knows everything? If my dad had come home from an office instead of a farm? If our bank accounts were a little larger than they currently are?

Or would everything be the exact same?

Would I still feel the way I feel if I hadn’t had to endure the things I have? Would I have been a more successful person if my friends were still alive?

These are the things that are running through my head lately. Is it my fault that things turned out like this? Or was I predisposed to be sad and struggle to succeed? Was there anyway for me to avoid this life that I now realise I am completely stuck in?

I thought I was doing better, but I realise now that all my problems are still there, they are just hiding out of my comfort zone.

As the week comes to an end I realise that I have not been putting myself out there like I should.

I need to be more. Push more. Achieve more.

I know I have the power. I know I have the potential. The passion. The drive.

I just need to figure out how to harness it.

Bring on Monday.

I feel stuck in a timeline that I don’t want to be on. But the days keep moving and I keep going further a long this path.

I just want to jump off and get away.

I never belonged in this timeline.

I was meant to have potential but I never found it.

This holiday feels a little bittersweet. I want to be happy. I want to feel good… but I just don’t.

This year…. this year has made me question everything. Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose? What is the point?

I hope I find it in 2021. I have been searching so hard.

Opportunities won’t appear from nothing.

Motivation won’t come without action.

Energy won’t make itself.

A bad mood won’t cure itself.

The only way to get everything you want and need is through YOU.

Your behaviour and attitude are far more powerful then you realise…

But maybe you don’t want to realise? Maybe you’re happy being stuck? Maybe you’re scared of the unknown. You’re happy in your comfort zone. It’s safe here.

But unfortunately… there is no magic in comfort.